I love you..

People said I'm ego..I don't understand why..But I'm just thinking that they've their own mouth to say whatever they want and whatever they wish to say..Why should I bother? If I don't do wrong, why should I yell at them? But still, rubbish things disturbed me a lot..To clarify is easy, but who's going to believe and listen? Rumors, slanders, teases and perceptions would heal for a moment and will come back soon..

If only people out there could really listen to my heart....

A past that really taught me a lot..Being careful in searching for friends, especially boys..And to make a decision upon the special @ the only one..It changed me a lot..When I say I love you..it means that I do love you..I know my rules might kill others feeling..But this is how I love you..

I love you when I prefer not to meet you...

I love you when I prefer not to contact you always...(like others do; sms, facebook-ing, myspace-ing, friendster-ing, chatting)

I love you when I prefer angry at you...

I love you when I prefer not to be jealous towards your girl/ boy friends...

I love you when I prefer to stay far away from you...

I love you when I prefer be the one to hear...

I love you when I prefer be the one to appreciate...

I love you when I prefer to be friends...(until you're fully prepared)

I love you when I prefer to test you...

I love you when I prefer to say you're the worst...

I love you when I prefer reminding you (Take care..Smile always..Be strong..)

I love you when I prefer simple things from you...(your story about your interests; your nagging)

I love you when I prefer not to get anything from you...

I love you when I prefer not to get attention from you...

I love you when I prefer to pray All the Best for you...

I love you when I prefer to let you do whatever you want...(to live your life to the fullest as Muslim)


Lastly....


I love you when I prefer to let you go...

Because I trust you..
I know you..
You're strong..
I believe you're not alone..

I may lose you..
But He makes me feel so grateful..
Why?
Because of a chance of knowing you..
Until I taste the sweetness..
Until I realize my mission in this world..
Until I know myself better..
Until I know You...
Who had design best for me..
Thank you, Allah...

I may lose you..
I know nobody is like you..
If I take one step forward..
I can say, past is past..,
according to time..
I know my heart never lie to me..

So I decide, to stay..
Not hoping...,
rather than..
Appreciating those beautiful moments..

~ Alhamdulillah ~

Didn't I remember...?

Will you accept Me as your Lord?

I don't remember..
The first time I answer YES..
I don't remember..
The first time I made a promise..
With You, Ya Allah..

I got two eyes to see..
Two ears to hear..
Nose to smell..
Mouth, tongue to taste..
Two arms to sense..
All parts to just one thing.., SUJUD...

Signs for me to think..
Mountains..Skies..Seas..Greens..Land..Birds..Wind..
Emotions..Motivation..Imagination..Personalities..,
many...

Days past by..
Nights without You would be so cold..
Am I trying to keep my promise?
Or You called me to do so?
Something from inside rebels..
And I've to admit that..

Innasolati wanusuki wa mahyaya wa mamati lillahi rabbil 'alamin...
Laa sharikalahu wa bizalika umirtu wa ana minal muslimin...

"Sesungguhnya solatku, ibadatku, hidupku, dan matiku kerana ALLAH Tuhan semesta alam. Tiada sekutu baginya. Dan dengan demikianlah aku diperintahkan dan aku adalah dari golongan orang-orang yang pasrah (orang-orang Islam)."


Blind..
This is a promise..
Of devotion..
Five times a day...(in prayer)
Me as slave, You as God..
All this while I forgot..
That I'm just a person..
Very weak like a dust..

Only a diamond may shine..
Only a pearl may glow..
I can say, only those who seek Him win His eye...

Who am I?
Didn't I remember?
I said YES when I was in my mum's tummy..
The first promise should be kept,
..till my last breath...

~ Forgive me ~

Sacrifice....

What's worth of doing a sacrifice?

I kept asking myself about my willingness upon doing something..Sincere is the most crucial thing..not to be think rather than to be endorsed from beneath..I kept asking myself, why am I usually tend to remember good things I've done to others AND why didn't they do the same to me? Then I asked myself again..and again..and again..am I sincere enough to be a sacrific"er"?

Every step in Everyday life..Every single word that comes from heart through lips..Every moment in my Every drop of tears..I always feel that I've never achieved that level of ikhlas..It's easy to say..But deep inside, honestly I never wanted to 'lose' over something..Because I know, if I lost something, loneliness and emptiness dictate my heart..Iblis will always try to enter me..

Every day I enjoy joy a lot just for my friends..Every night I cried a lot just for myself..I'm looking for myself..It's just like I need a tight hug to keep me warm until I sleep..My heart needs You..

I kept thinking about what sacrifice that I could really sacrifice to gain His love..and giving a space in my heart to accept 'a blanket' to purify and cover it safely..

One thing..
that I want most..
that I love most..
that I crave most..
that I care most..
that I appreciate most..
that I adore most..
that I dream most..
that I hope most..

A love towards a guy...

Yes, he means a lot..But what's worth of loving him more than I love Allah? Where in the end, I'm not sure whether he can provide me with all love that I've given him..That's very bad of me..I can't really accept myself of doing this to Him..Even I will never forgive myself for doing so..

Therefore, Ya Allah....

I give my love to You..This is the most sincerest sacrifice I could promise You...I believe in You..What's worth of confessing "ashhadualla ila haillallah..Wa ashhaduanna muhammadurrasulullah" without giving a piece of my heart to You?

Ya Allah..
This is just a little and a single sacrifice that might lead to the greatest change in my life..-ameen-


~ Allahualam ~

Where is your strength?

I remembered a friend of mine (a best buddy during 2ndary school)..shared something with me..

"M*** terasa hati la..Kenapa B*** xnak balas msg M***..selalu x mcm ni..Sibuk2 pn pasti akn msg M***..Skrg x dah..M*** bukan apa..risau.." (and so on).

"M*** tau spnjg hbgn kami, B*** yg byk bg kata2 smngat kat M***..M*** kuat pn sbb B***.." (and so on).

At first, I thought it is normal for a girl to have that kinda emotion @ feeling towards her guy..Fitrah of loving pigeons..But somehow I've to oppose strictly about "kata2 semangat" matter..The question soon cut her mood was that, "You said he is the one who makes you stronger from time to time..How if someday he died and you'll get not those spiritual words @ motivation anymore, will you still be strong? Where is your strength?

To be honest, I'm not as good as hafiz or hafizah..But I do try my best to understand Islam better..

Dear..

You were born as who you're now..What was the promise? Will you accept Me as your Lord? Remember?

Should the strength acquired from Him..How could you say it comes from a human? Shame on you, to break the promise..I don't say it's sinful..To be clear, it's just immoral..Your heart confessed on something which is not supposed to be....(any word best describes this?-think by yourself)..

Dear..

Please open your eyes..Show to the world that you're so special..Prove that..

Strength to be asked from Him..Others may be just a "side-income" one..But His is the eternal one..

Simple words to share..to be practiced throughout your life..yaqeen..istiqomah..taqwa..Therefore, listen to this..

"Bismillahillazi la yadhurru ma'asmihi shai'un fil ardhi wa la fissama'ie wa huassami'un 'alim"

Nothing either from the sky or earth can give mudharat to you as long as you hold on tight His attributes and Names..

Dear..

Again..Where is your strength? Is it coming from others or from Him? This is not an option rather than you've to reflect yourself as a human..If you choose 'human', what if someday s/he dies? Will you be as strong as you're now?

~ The promise is in His hand..~ ETERNAL ~

A side of moment....

Bismillahirrahmanirrahiim......,


"happiness"

Only in a moment..It comes and leaves..Why? I don't know..But, I'm glad that at least I was given a moment to know sum1 special to me personally...

Kalau Allah dah nak bagi, terima..He's the BEST ever happened in my life..Aku tak penah sangka akan jumpa dia..berpeluang kenal dia..What he did? 1 je..Ajar aku lebih menghargai..Setiap apa yang berlaku, ada hikmahnya..dalam kan maksudnya.. :) Selebihnya, rahsia..Biarlah Dia yang atur..

Nak tulis lagi, macam banyak sangat..Tak apalah..Ini baru permulaan..

Satu kehadiran yang bikin satu semangat!! Tenkiu so much..

Nadhu, perjalanan kamu masih jauh..-isikan masa luangmu, renungkan masa depanmu, rancangkan hidupmu sebaik mungkin kerana kamu tak mungkin berpeluang melihat yang lepas lagi..-

~ Allahualam ~