Relieved...

When you have a problem..
Never hesitate to seek
time and space..

I love to think..
But mostly towards something that I should not think of..
'tak tercapai dek akal'..
Simply say, think too much..
Followed by unnecessary emotions and feelings..

I realized it..
I seek my mum and dad..
Who knows me better..
since I was small..

I seek my best friends..
Who knows me better..
since past years..

I do want to stay away from this..
But one question..
Blocked my intention..
"Why do I do this?"
In fact, I don't have a concrete and fix answer..

Silence..
Not a solution..
I took 1 week +..
be alone..
think back what have been said by them..
And said to myself..
"My mistake......" (exhale)

I've make myself looked like a murderer..
I've make others victims..
I killed my heart..
I killed my relationships..
I killed my joy..
Allah...
What a dark side of me.. T_T

At the same time..
I tried my best to seek something from Him..

Alhamdulillah...
He guides me..
Put an intention to go for TOT (training of trainers)..
Put an intention to open up this Divine Book..
Suddenly I opened this verse..

From Surah al-Muddathir: 1-7..

Relieved..
Now I can smile back..
After cried so much..
I've been cruel to myself
all this while..
Again, my mistake...

Realized..

I'm lucky to have such nice parents and good buddies in my life..
To accept me as who I am..
To say sorry..
I don't know how..
But I do have something for them..
A 'present'..
And I'll do give them, always..

~ Know myself and role, as 'abid and khalifah.. ~