What's worth of doing a sacrifice?
I kept asking myself about my willingness upon doing something..Sincere is the most crucial thing..not to be think rather than to be endorsed from beneath..I kept asking myself, why am I usually tend to remember good things I've done to others AND why didn't they do the same to me? Then I asked myself again..and again..and again..am I sincere enough to be a sacrific"er"?
Every step in Everyday life..Every single word that comes from heart through lips..Every moment in my Every drop of tears..I always feel that I've never achieved that level of ikhlas..It's easy to say..But deep inside, honestly I never wanted to 'lose' over something..Because I know, if I lost something, loneliness and emptiness dictate my heart..Iblis will always try to enter me..
Every day I enjoy joy a lot just for my friends..Every night I cried a lot just for myself..I'm looking for myself..It's just like I need a tight hug to keep me warm until I sleep..My heart needs You..
I kept thinking about what sacrifice that I could really sacrifice to gain His love..and giving a space in my heart to accept 'a blanket' to purify and cover it safely..
that I want most..
that I love most..
that I crave most..
that I care most..
that I appreciate most..
that I adore most..
that I dream most..
that I hope most..
A love towards a guy...
Yes, he means a lot..But what's worth of loving him more than I love Allah? Where in the end, I'm not sure whether he can provide me with all love that I've given him..That's very bad of me..I can't really accept myself of doing this to Him..Even I will never forgive myself for doing so..
Therefore, Ya Allah....
I give my love to You..This is the most sincerest sacrifice I could promise You...I believe in You..What's worth of confessing "ashhadualla ila haillallah..Wa ashhaduanna muhammadurrasulullah" without giving a piece of my heart to You?
This is just a little and a single sacrifice that might lead to the greatest change in my life..-ameen-
~ Allahualam ~